When some of my Erotic Blueprint Coaches offer to help Single people have hotter more fulfilling sex lives, they experience push back and resistance. Single people don’t see the powerful benefits of doing this work solo.
Some of their favorite lines have been:
“I don’t have a sex life, why would I even talk about sex?”
“I don’t have a partner, so what’s the point?”
“I want to wait until I have a partner to explore more of my sexuality.”
Although I’m in a relationship, I’ve seen and personally experienced the power of using Erotic Blueprints™ as a single person.
Ian and I recently hosted a Singles Blueprint Webinar, where we discussed how we powerfully put to use the Erotic Blueprints during a recent open relationship phase.
While that class is specifically for our Erotic Freedom Club™ membership group, we decided to interview two of our certified Erotic Blueprint Coaches who are single and from very different walks of life (Beth Ostrander and Chelsea Hamlet) to see how they use the Blueprints.
Beth is a divorcee of a 12-year marriage and has two young children. She’s been single/dating for 6+ years. She grew up in a small town, where people have conservative values and committed relationships are the norm. She now lives in Toronto, Canada.
Chelsea is a single 20-something woman who has no kids and has never been married. She grew up in an urban community with Christian values and lives right outside of New York City.
You may be familiar with Beth’s story about her religious exploration and the Blueprints (check her Blog post here) along with Chelsea’s story about coming out as a coach (check her Blog post here).
Since Beth and Chelsea are currently single, we decided to interview them to learn how they use the blueprints in their dating life.
Here is our sexy and revealing conversation that we had with Beth and Chelsea.
When did you first learn about the Erotic Blueprints™?
Beth: I first took the Erotic Blueprint™ Quiz in January 2018
Chelsea: I was first introduced to the Erotic Blueprints™ in May 2017
What are your current blueprints?
Beth: I’m a primary Sensual Blueprint™ with a secondary Kinky Blueprint™.
Chelsea: I was a primary Kinky Blueprint™ with a secondary Sexual Blueprint™. But I recently retook the quiz so now I’m primarily a Shapeshifter Blueprint™ tied with the Energetic Blueprint™and a secondary Kinky Blueprint™.
What were your dating lives like when you were first introduced to the blueprints?
Beth: Before [the Blueprints], I had eliminated shame to a massive degree and I was allowing myself to explore my sexuality. When I started to learn the Erotic Blueprints™ through the Erotic Blueprint Breakthrough™ Course [EBBC], I realized how sexually starved I was.
It became obvious that my state of hunger was affecting my dating choices.
I discovered I had only been feeding my Secondary Blueprint Type and my Primary desires and needs were being starved.
I learned through EBBC all about feeding the Blueprints and I took responsibility for my own pleasure. This changed everything in the relationship I was in at the time. It took pressure off him and it made me a happier person. It allowed me to see all the facets of the relationship that I was longing for.
Chelsea: Before the Blueprints, I was into sex with no strings attached.
One of the men I was having relations with at the time was the first dominant kinky partner I ever had! It was a great experience at first but once I was introduced to the Blueprints, I realized how unhealthy our dynamic was from the beginning.
We never really spoke about boundaries and he would rarely give me aftercare following our sessions. So with that experience and learning about the Erotic Blueprints, I now know what to look for in a dominant kinky play partner and have tools to bring up boundaries before we start to play.
What are your current dating lives like?
Beth: I [recently] rekindled the relationship with the person I was with last year when I first started to learn the Erotic Blueprints™. I feel like I am entering in again as a new person. Learning about the Erotic BlueprintsTM and the 5 Stages of Sexuality has me be less judgemental of myself and him. Instead of being concerned about what he thinks about my desires or being worried that he won’t satisfy me sexually, I am actually excited about exploring and discovering with each other how we will find pleasure together! I also know how to step back and communicate authentically from my blueprint and translate it into his blueprint, so our communication is much better than before.
Chelsea: I’m casually dating but I’ve been celibate for the past three and a half months.
How have the Blueprints affected your current dating life?
Beth: I fully own my own pleasure and anytime I now feel a sense of sexual desire, I look first to how I can feed it rather than what can I get from my partner. This feels so freeing…and exciting! Because now, all the pleasure that my partner gives me is pure BONUS!
Chelsea: Since I’m taking a break from sex, the Blueprints have been helping me with self-intimacy and healing.
Before my Primary and Secondary Blueprints changed, I tapped into the Sexual and Sensual Blueprints by gently cupping my hands over my genitals (I refer to my yoni as her) while I not only sang love songs to her but also apologized for not taking care of her the way I should have.
I also tapped into the Energetic Blueprint by placing my hand over my heart, breathing in and out slowly while saying affirmations regarding my self-worth.
It was a very emotional experience and it helped me realize how much I have been starving myself from energetic touch and connection.
So, while I’m single and not currently having sex, the Blueprints are helping me connect with myself on a deeper level so that when I’m ready, I can attract partners that are in alignment with my desires.
Do you use the Blueprints to navigate how you choose your dates or sex partners?
Beth: Yes, I do! I now find it fun to try to guess someone’s Blueprint Type…in a dating context or otherwise.
The Erotic Blueprint Breakthrough™ Course has such an amazing module all about Speaking the Blueprints™ that covers verbal and non-verbal communication.
This [module] was so helpful in navigating and playing with the dating experience! I now speak my desires with even greater ease…asking for what I want with less self-judgment and with way more clarity and get what I want more often.
Chelsea: Yup! Before I would meet my date, I would typically ask him to take the Erotic Blueprint™Quiz. Once they sent me their results, I went straight into sexual compatibility and thought that was enough.
But then, I realized I needed to go deeper than that to protect my energy and time. So going forward, I plan to use the Erotic Blueprints™ to figure out my dates’ Blueprint Shadows™and boundaries to assess if I want to move into a sexual relationship. This is really important to me since I’m healing my heart space.
What advice would you both give to people who are single and want to learn about the Blueprints?
Beth: I would say take the opportunity to really own that you have a sex life all unto yourself and to cultivate your own ability to know what brings you pleasure to master how to provide that for yourself.
Entering the dating world from a satiated place had me see my dates with a clarity that I had lacked when I was sexually starving.
I would also say, give yourself permission to long for the touch of another. Allow yourself to wish someone would give you pleasure…but don’t wait for it.
I compare it to food.
I adore when someone prepares delicious food for me but I also know how to cook and do so on a regular basis.
We absolutely get to enjoy and create opportunities for others to give us pleasure AND we get to provide that pleasure for ourselves on a regular basis so that when a partner comes along, we are not ravenous but appreciative.
Chelsea: I would say learn what your boundaries are (in casual and serious relationships) as well as focus on learning what pleases you. This way, once you’re in a relationship, you can communicate your needs and wants to a partner effectively.
If you want to learn more about Beth Ostrander, follow her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/beth.ostrander.393.