An Introvert’s Guide to Navigating Erotic Communities

by Jaiya

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If you’re an introvert like me, or perhaps an ambivert (someone who has both extroverted and introverted traits), you may find social engagement and fitting into a tribe very challenging!

Whether you are part of a tantra community or you attend munches (a social gathering for people interested in being involved with the BDSM scene), it may be challenging navigating these environments freely and authentically.

The alternative, however, exploring your erotic side alone, can be scary!

I was lucky to find Erotic Freedom Club™ (the monthly membership online club offered by Jaiya) because I feel at home with this group of erotic explorers!

This Erotic Freedom Club community welcomes such diversity.

Most erotic communities cater to one specific form of erotic expression or turn on, i.e., Tantra communities cater to Energetic Blueprint™ or Sensual Blueprint™ Types; if you’re a Kinky Blueprint™, the communities that serve your interests may not include Energetic™ play, Sensual ™ play, or Sexual™ play.

Erotic Freedom Club embraces people in all forms of erotic expression.

Whether I show up as my introverted primary Sensual Blueprint™ or my introverted secondary Kinky Blueprint™, I know there is a space of openness, acceptance, and support for me.

If you’ve ever felt too shy to be your authentic erotic self in virtual or in-person communities, here are 8 Awesome Tips for Introverts to Fully Enjoy Erotic Community. While I’m speaking from my experience in the Erotic Freedom Club, you can apply these tips to any community you are involved with online and in person.

Choose to Join A Community:

It was a big deal for me to even accept the invitation to join Erotic Freedom Club.

When I did, I found that by simply taking this action I automatically felt a sense of belonging. When you choose to embrace your interests, regardless if you engage or not, there is already a sense of empowerment just knowing you are actively pursuing something that is meaningful to you.

Give Yourself Permission to Take Your Time:

As an Introvert and a primary Sensual Blueprint™ Type, I find I will scope out a group of people before I allow myself to feel fully at ease. I think this is one of the Introvert’s superpowers – assessing a group dynamic.

Give yourself permission to go at your own pace and enter in when it feels right for you.

Pay attention to any signals from your body and ask all the questions you need to feel safe and secure.

Enjoy the Replays (in online communities):

When I first joined Erotic Freedom Club, I felt nervous being on the LIVE video classes, so I found a way to enjoy the replay of classes like “Sexy Sex Labs” and “Embody It! Practices”.

I just enjoyed watching the recordings on my own time without anyone else’s energy or presence to worry about. In your online community, you don’t have to be on the classes live – set a date night with yourself or with your partner (if you have one) and indulge in replays in your own energy!

Comfortably enjoy LIVE classes:

As I became more at ease within the community, I started to attend the classes live.

I would sometimes turn on my video and other times when I felt more introverted, I’d keep it off. Online communities are great for this very reason.


It always feels great to have the option.

Find a Community Practiced in Consent and Healthy Boundaries:

Okay, so it turns out I have some voyeurism in me!

As an introvert, I found myself holding back on posting in Erotic Freedom Club for months! From this vantage point, I discovered a lot!

Part of why I do this is because I’ve let my boundaries be crossed too many times and things can feel pretty uncomfortable when there is no container or a poorly held container in a community.

Erotic Freedom Club has a powerful set of agreements that allow everyone to feel safe.

By observing I learned how others expressed their challenges and victories. I witnessed how people respected the agreements of the community, so my sense of safety and trust grew too.

I felt honored to witness people.

I learned to trust that I could express myself and I would be met with respect and care.

When looking for a community, make sure to find a one where it is to safe express yourself and where you’re certain to receive empathy, unconditional love, and meaningful support.

Make sure you’re in a community where it is part of group agreements to get consent to give advice or feedback.

Erotic Freedom Club is pretty unique in this way. If you only want to be heard and seen with no advice, you just say so.

Feel free to embrace your voyeurism as an introvert. Allow yourself to enjoy observing and supporting others as they express themselves.

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Photos and fewer words:

I love using photos instead of words in an online community like EFC.

It’s a wonderful way to express myself without having to divulge more than I’m comfortable with.

A picture says a million words, so I don’t have to.

Embrace Your Reactions:

Yes, I have reactions to people’s posts and pictures. It is one of the beautiful things about an online community.

Someone writes something that resonates and I feel great.

But someone can say something that doesn’t resonate and I may feel unnerved.

In honestly embracing my reactions, I get to discover my true self. Embrace all of your reactions, own them and get curious about them.

Being part of a diverse tribe creates an opportunity for questioning and growth – and incredible opportunity to learn more about who you are.

Celebrate Your Value:

I realized that just showing up in the Erotic Freedom Club was the value I bring.

When we think of someone in our life who we cherish, we don’t need them to do or say anything, we simply enjoy being in their company.

Celebrate your value in the community. Whether you are a quiet observer, a timid contributor or a bold expresser, you add value!

I created this post on November 14th when I made this discovery:

“I am often silent in this group. Why? I am private. I am introverted. I prefer in person to online (being a sensual). Sometimes I am scared I will be too much. Sometimes I am afraid I am not enough.

This silence is something I’ve done for most of my life, in every area of my life. I am moving through this and expanding in this.

Something came up in the Live Embody It class with Ian that reminded me that being present … simply me being … is value. Me not being present is holding back my value AND is limiting me on the value I can experience.

I give myself permission to be present…just as I am…sometimes hesitant, sometimes running forward with abandon, sometimes quiet and subdued and sometimes expressing loudly with a big personality. The more I am me …the more I get to see and know me and perhaps others will enjoy the unique beauty I am in the world.

Being present is value.”

The responses I got on this post from the EFC community were so loving, warm and tender that I felt truly heard and held. I hope you feel the same way too.

We’ve got this amazing tribe where we don’t have to pretend or embellish or hide anything to feel a part of the group and feel accepted.

In this space, I can discover a whole new truth about myself. There is freedom to safely explore erotism without any fear of judgment or ridicule.

I hope you have a space like this, or you become a part of ours.

To all you wonderful extroverts, I hope you have gained insight into your introverted friends and partners so you can enjoy them even more and encourage them to show up fully!

To all my fellow introverts, I hope you find the courage to be your authentic self and use your Erotic Blueprint™ as a superpower to own any space you occupy.

You’re worth it!

“Our compatibility has gone through the roof…how to be pleased. How to ask to be sexually pleased. How to please you (your partner) sexually. How to experience not only the orgasms we were already having and the ecstatic pleasure that we were already living, but now to have it magnify and multiply and go to whole new levels. It feels like we’re starting our relationship again!“

Satyen and Suzanne Raja

Embrace what has been buried and shamed in your body for thousands of years.

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