Screw The Goals! Play Your Way to a Fulfilling Sex Life in 2021

by Ian Ferguson

Lots of people are setting their intentions, doing the doing that comes with the excitement and energy of a brand new year.

This is a great practice and there are lots of benefits to performing these rituals of goal setting.


And sometimes they feel pretty heavy and unfun. Like we’re starting the year already dragging a huge rock on our backs and pressure to perform better, do more and “be successful.”


So instead, try playing your way to fulfillment.

If you had a magic wand to wave and you could have it all your way when it comes to your erotic play in 2021, what would you want?

What would bring more sexual freedom and intimate satisfaction to your life?
What would fill you to bursting erotically?
What would make the sex you’re having worth having?
Sexual satisfaction brings radiance, stronger immunity, more vigor and passion for the rest of life.
A great game to play is to figure out what makes the sex your having worth having – FOR YOU!
So…even if you don’t know exactly what would ignite you sexually, what are you curious about? 
What do you want more of, less of?
What have you never experienced that you want to experience?
What do you not even know about that might totally turn you on?
If you’re new to sexual exploration – what do you need to feel safe?
If you’re a seasoned erotic wizard, what do you want to deepen, or what new territory is there left to explore?
NOTE: Your current ‘Stage of Sexuality’ will inform your desires.
Know that the desires you express at this time and in this discovery session will be formed by what we call “Your Stage of Sexuality”.
These Stages Are…
Resting, Healing, Curious, Adventurous or Transformational
When you know the Stage you are currently in, you can honor that stage and let go of feeling “broken”.  There is nothing wrong with you if you are in any of these stages.  They are where you are right now and they change and shift over time.
Your Stage of Sexuality points to what you NEED right now.
Resting means you’re simply taking a break.  You need a little rest from intimate interactions.  Maybe you’ve taken on celibacy for a time, or you’ve just gone big and bold and stretched your boundaries and your nervous system needs some time to integrate.  You simply need to rest.  The desires of a resting person, may be to do nothing.  Yay – do that!
Healing means just that: you’ve likely suffered some injury (emotional or physical) and you’re taking time to heal.  The injury or trauma may be something current (a relationship breakup, a physical injury or change in hormonal health) or a shadow from your past that has arisen and needs attention.  Your sexuality is telling you to take a pause and give adequate time to healing.
The Curious Stage: well, you’re craving to learn all about new things you’ve never tried in this state. You may not be ready to actively pursue these new adventures, but you’re reading up, watching videos, talking to experts or taking courses on a new erotic frontier for you.
If you’re in the Adventurous Stage you’re full-on going out there and doing the things that may have once scared you! Tasting new flavors. Expanding your sexual palette, so to speak.   You’re courageously going for what you want.
And then there’s The Transformational Stage. This is when you’re exploring the “What’s more” to sex.  Many of us use eroticism for spiritual awakening, discovering transcendental states and connecting to a higher power of unity consciousness.  This is the zone where eroticism and sexuality can transform reality.
There is no hierarchy to the Stages of Sexuality. 
Knowing your Stage simply allows you to honor where you’re at and what you need right now at this moment.
You can honor the Stage you’re in and still desire being in a different stage.  Your desire for being in another stage is a clue about what you may wish to explore or need next.
You can be in a single Stage for years or you can go through every single Stage in a single session of love making.
Listen Carefully
Listening carefully to your inner voice, listen to the clues your body is telling you and this will help you see the things that could make your sex life far more satisfying in 2021.
Knowing your Stage can help you see where you want to go and how you want to get there.
This is a fun and exciting journey that you’re embarking on and hearing what YOU have to say will help you make it feel safe, rewarding and possibly powerfully intoxicating!
So, you may simply desire deep healing time or you may be ready for a big adventure, but whatever you need is perfect (of course always within the confines of honoring other’s boundaries and making sure your interactions with yourself and other adults are consensual). 
Don’t judge your desires.
You may not need to live every single one of them out, but giving them breathing room without judgment can show you different ways they can be explored and expressed.
Here’s The Game:
Simply take 5 minutes to stream a conscious journal about your desires and see what comes up.
Look over your list and circle the top 3 desires. Then choose the juiciest one that attracts you the most.
Once you’ve selected what you want the most, take another 5 minutes to brainstorm ideas on next action steps you can take to bring this desire into reality.
NOTE:  When you’re brainstorming, do not limit yourself in any way.  Be big, bold, outrageous, ridiculous, simple, easy or silly.
Scan your list of next steps.
Then, choose the easiest action step and do it right now or put a time in your calendar when you will do that thing.
The reason you’re picking the easiest action to take?
You want to create the experience of winning easily.
Keep yourself motivated.
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Decide on a reward you will give yourself when you complete each action step. (Pro tip: If you’re punishment driven, think of a punishment you will give yourself, if you don’t take the actions you’ve promised.)
It is essential that you make these steps easy and winnable. 
You want to reinforce success and feel great about yourself the entire time.
You want to see yourself on the path to having your desire fulfilled.
You want to be in action – you want to be excited about taking the next step.
And make sure you acknowledge yourself for every win!! That’s what makes you keep wanting to play.
Do you see how this may be a bit more fun than setting some lofty goal, that is an outcome driven pressure bomb to make you feel worse because the goal is so far off and out of reach.
Set yourself up to win every day.
Feel great about each and every win.
And, before you know it, you’ve created the experience you so deeply desired without ever feeling stressed out or pressured about it.
If you fall off the wagon…
Release yourself from any sense of failure.  Acknowledge that you didn’t take an action when you said and simply recommit.
This moment is new and unique.  The past is an illusion.
If you didn’t “succeed,” perhaps your steps were too big or you’re trying to bypass a warning sign by jumping into something too quickly.
It’s all information and each misstep gives you new wisdom for the next attempt.
Simply repeat the steps in this game.   Quick and easy brainstorm sessions, pick the next easiest step, and take it…
Do these steps and YAY! You are on you’ve created a life of erotic exploration and sexual adventure.
Here’s to your erotic fulfillment in 2021!!
Until next time…
Fill your heart with love and your life with pleasure, 
Ian and The Pleasure Crew
p.s.  If you’re looking for guidance on how to explore, expand and live a sexually satisfying life, we’d love for you to join us for £rotic Blueprint Breakthrough™ Course.
As a member of our Erotic Freedom Club online community, you get lifetime access to monthly group coaching calls guided by world class sexuality experts trained in the Erotic Blueprint methodology.

“Our compatibility has gone through the roof…how to be pleased. How to ask to be sexually pleased. How to please you (your partner) sexually. How to experience not only the orgasms we were already having and the ecstatic pleasure that we were already living, but now to have it magnify and multiply and go to whole new levels. It feels like we’re starting our relationship again!“

Satyen and Suzanne Raja

Embrace what has been buried and shamed in your body for thousands of years.

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