Are You Making Too Much Meaning Out Of Your Sexuality Stage?
I looked over at Ian.
“If you want sex, just let me know. I could take it or leave it.”
It has been three months since my sexuality stage and Erotic Blueprint™ Type had shifted.
Ian was used to me initiating sex, and always being available and ready for sex. In fact, I would keep track of how many times that week we’d had sex and for most of my life, if I wasn’t having lots of sex, something was “wrong!” with a capital W. If your primary Blueprint is Sexual, you know what I’m talking about.
But something had shifted.
I just didn’t care if we had sex or not. I had moved into the Resting Stage with a touch of Transformational.
What?
If you aren’t familiar with the 5 Stages/States of Sexuality, here’s a quick review to bring you up to speed…
The 5 Stages/States of Sexuality:
- Resting: Basically you aren’t having sex or are having very little sexual activity, perhaps by choice or by circumstance
- Healing: You are healing from something emotional or physical in your sexuality
- Curious: You’re learning more about the “how to” of sex, how to make it better, how to take to the next level
- Adventurous: You’re interested in the edge. Getting out of the comfort zone and playing with things you’ve never tried before
- Transformational: This is the “what’s more” to sex. Think Tantra or Sex Manifestation. Exploring ecstatic states or spiritual awakening through sex
Okay, here’s what’s most important about these states.
They are not hierarchical.
There isn’t one that is better or worse than the other. It’s all in the meaning we place on them.
Was I distraught that I’d suddenly lost all interest in sex after years of having a high libido.
Nope.
Why?
Because I didn’t have any judgement that there was anything wrong with me. I was fine just the way I was.
I wasn’t broken.
I wasn’t damaged.
I was just going through a State.
It can be totally natural to have times in your life when you change States.
Think about it.
The birth of a child, you naturally move into Healing/Resting. A new relationship, you tend to be more Curious and Adventurous. You have a spiritual awakening, guess which one? Yep, Transformational.
Now, a sudden change in State could be the sign of something happening with your physical body, your emotional state, your bio-chemistry (hormones) or your energetic field… so it’s good to get things checked out just in case.
In my case, it was a big healing of trauma that led to the shift.
It’s six months later and guess what?
I’ve moved from being an Energetic/Sensual in the Resting/Transformational state to being an expanding Shapeshifter in the Adventurous state!
I went from almost no drive and no sex, to frequent sex and playful threesomes.
And there isn’t any thought that one is better than the other. It’s just what showed up. Accepting these shifts has helped us navigate what appears like radical changes all with ease, love and grace.
So, if you’re telling yourself the story that “I’m damaged,” that “I’m broken,” that “If I were only more Adventurous…” or “If I were only less Adventurous…” then you may simply be making meaning about your sexuality and that may be what causes you suffering, not the State you’re currently in.
That meaning can create a whole reality where you’re proving to yourself that it’s all true.
Acceptance doesn’t mean that things won’t change.
Acceptance simply allows us to be at peace with what is, no longer chasing some future, but stepping into who we are at this moment, and loving ourselves fully.
So, whether you’re resting like I was, with very little to no interest in sex, or, you’re diving into threesomes on a weekly basis, or sitting in meditation visualizing your light bodied lover, it’s all good!
It’s just your State.
Embrace it!
Accept it!
And let it provide you with its particular version of wisdom.
Wishing you a life filled with pleasure,
Jaiya
