Gratified or grumbling? How’s your lover feeling in bed?

by Jaiya

What Do You Believe About Yourself In BED?

Do you think you are a great lover?

Or, have you had an experience that leads you to believe that you’re lousy at pleasuring your partner(s)?

Do you give up before you even try?

Has performance anxiety taken over your ability to connect and enjoy sex?

Your perception of yourself as a lover may not match reality.

Maybe you think you’re really great in bed, but you don’t hear your partner’s requests or pay attention to their signals of deep dissatisfaction because you’re caught up in your inflated ego, or too scared to see the truth

Maybe you believe you’re so bad in bed, you fail at everything you try. Your self-criticism creates a self-fulfilling prophecy, stacking bad experience on top of bad experience.

Ian here, Jaiya’s partner.

My first marriage crashed and burned, in large part because this last description was my depressing reality.

On our honeymoon, my new wife ripped into me, declaring that in our 1 ½ years leading up to our wedding, she had never been satisfied in bed.

I was shocked and ashamed. Angry that she’d never revealed this to me.

My ego was shattered and for 6 more years, I added insult to injury by being the wounded little boy, believing I was a terrible lover and never stepping into learning what I needed to do, how I needed to be to create deep and delicious satisfaction for my wife.

The resentments built and, eventually, our marriage came to an end.

I let passion die because I was unwilling to learn very learnable skills.

I let a woman I loved suffer because I was unable to get past my own ego and become a student of her turn-ons, desire, and needs.

I let my marriage die because I didn’t adopt an attitude of confidence that I could learn to be an amazing lover.

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Let’s get real!

Ask yourself these three questions and write down the answers:

  1. When I close my eyes and think of myself as the lover I am today, what do I see?
  2. If I asked my partner or past lovers what they thought of me, what would they say about me as a lover, if they answered honestly?
  3. When I close my eyes and think of myself as the lover I want to be, what do I see?

If you want to be courageous, really ask your current and past partners what they think. You’ve got to let them know you want the truth, and mean it. You’ve got to guarantee they won’t suffer any consequences if they lay it on the line.

You can ask what they like, as well as what doesn’t work for them.

When you know what you and others believe about you as a lover, then you can start to take the steps to become the lover you want to be and the lover they crave.

A huge part of this process is changing your beliefs about yourself and consciously cultivating an identity to match your ideal erotic self.

Had I taken on the identity of being a student of sexual satisfaction, I could have had a marriage filled with pleasure and connection.

Maybe your sex life is suffering from unjustified overconfidence…

One of our students, we’ll call him Sam thought he knew everything about sex and that is partner was blown away by his abilities. He couldn’t see any room for improvement of his skills.

When he came to Jaiya with his partner, she admitted that he wasn’t pleasing her, he blamed her and bought her additional sessions to learn about sexuality and overcome HER issues.


It took awhile, but eventually, he started to hear that perhaps he needed some education about sexuality. His belief that he was soooo awesome in bed was in the way of him actually being awesome in bed.

Once he saw the truth, he gladly learned everything. He became a student of pleasure. His partner went from dying on the vine to feeling hot and juicy!

Even sex experts have room for constant growth and improvement.

I believe I can always be better, while at the same time, I know I’m also an awesome lover to my current partner.

Sometimes we let ourselves get stopped by “confusion”.

“I don’t know where to go to learn about sex.”

“I can’t admit that I have something to learn.”

We all have something to learn.

Stop getting in your own way.

We’ve got a powerful place for you to start. You can accelerate your learning curve and hack sexual satisfaction by diving into our Erotic Blueprints™.

These 5 erotic personality types (you’re one, or more of them), get satisfaction in very specific ways. Once you know the turn-ons and techniques that create sexual satisfaction for each Erotic Type, you’re on the path towards being a rock star in bed.

Learn your Erotic Blueprint™ Type with this assessment.

And, we open our Erotic Blueprint Breakthrough™ Course twice each year. Once in the spring and once in early winter.

This course will open up whole new possibilities for your bedroom bliss!

Get on the wait list!

“Our compatibility has gone through the roof…how to be pleased. How to ask to be sexually pleased. How to please you (your partner) sexually. How to experience not only the orgasms we were already having and the ecstatic pleasure that we were already living, but now to have it magnify and multiply and go to whole new levels. It feels like we’re starting our relationship again!“

Satyen and Suzanne Raja

Embrace what has been buried and shamed in your body for thousands of years.

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