I’m getting questions all the time in my inbox and the answers can serve so many people, so I thought I share this one!

Dear Jaiya,

I have a wonderful and romantic husband. We have been together for nine years.

This is what frustrates me….I have trouble achieving multiple orgasms with him. I get so sensitive after an orgasm and he is ready to go on 3, 4, 5x and more after I have reached climax!

How can I achieve multiple orgasms?

I am 44 and feeling like maybe it’s just not in me. Hate that my husband is like the energizer bunny!

Thanks, L


Dear L,

Okay, I have a few questions L.

What kind of orgasm are you having?

Are they clitoral orgasm?

What part of your body gets “too sensitive”? Is it your clit?

If you are having a clitoral orgasm and your clitoris is getting too sensitive?

If so, this can be pretty common for female bodied people, so let’s start there.

I liken a deep clitoral orgasm to an ejaculation for a man, and for some women it can be the point of no return. After a clitoral O, we feel a dip in arousal, we get overly sensitive and we lose interest in continuing on to the next orgasm.

If you want to go for multiple clitoral orgasms try this:

Go right up to the edge where you’re about to have the orgasm, say if 10 is your big orgasm, then pull back at a 9 or 9.5.

Stop all motion (including your husband’s) and notice what happens.

Take a deep breath. You can even hold your breath when your lungs are full and wait to release until you feel the pleasure spreading through the rest of your body. This is called “Transmuting Sexual Energy”

Let the energy spread, let the heightened intensity disperse and then…

Resume, build again, and then stop again, using your breath.

Repeat this at least three times.

This practice is one way I learned how to have multiple clitoral orgasms and vaginal orgasms. When I stop, I will actually have an orgasm, usually it’s an internal vaginal orgasm. This type of orgasm isn’t taking me over the edge into too much sensitivity.

If you do experience your big orgasm, rest for a few seconds (10-30).

Then try indirect stimulation to your clitoral shaft.

The clitoral shaft is different than the head of your clitoris, which you can see externally, and the clit is the place most easily found and most commonly used to stimulate orgasms.

The shaft is the connected to the clitoral head, but it’s an internal part of the clitoris. You can locate the shaft by feeling around above the clitoral head. It’s harder than the head, maybe even feels like a long nob or a ligament.

So, to stimulate the shaft indirectly – you can pinch, gently or hard depending on your taste, your upper labia that surround the shaft. Rolling the shaft between your fingers. You can do this to start building towards orgasm again.

The sensitivity of directly touching your clit will decrease and then you can move to more direct stimulation to both the shaft and head of your clitoris.

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Keep in mind that there are many different types of female orgasm.

If your clitoris is too sensitive after you cum, you may want to go for a g-spot orgasm or ejaculation.

If your entire vulva gets too sensitive after your orgasm, what about moving to nipple stimulation or other erogenous zones.

Did you know that you can have orgasms in your nipples? Yep, it’s true.

As for your husband being an energizer bunny, is he only interested in intercourse or is he up for other activities?

Does he have difficulty having orgasms, or is he multi-orgasmic?

Is he the one who wants you to have multiple orgasms?

I ask this last question because I see a lot of women who want to perform certain sexual feats for their husband and not for themselves. This is like swimming up river instead of flowing with the stream.

Are you trying to match your husband sexually?

I see huge opportunities for expanding into pleasure together by learning to speak each other’s Erotic Languages.

I would guess your husband primarily Erotic Blueprint™ is a “Sexual Type™”, and you may be Energetic or Sensual. I don’t have enough information to tell you for sure.

I suggest you both take a moment to discover your Erotic Blueprint Type™ by taking our Erotic Blueprint Quiz!

Your Erotic Blueprint Type™ shows you where you’re limited, as much or more than it shows you what turns you on.

You may be speaking past each other, not able to speak or feed each other’s Blueprint turn ons, because you just don’t know how to yet.

Once you learn how to truly please each other, and you take steps to expand your own erotic vocabulary, you have access to pleasures you didn’t know possible, you can then empathize with you lover’s desires and dispell resentments and misunderstandings that may have built over years.

Becoming fluent in each of the Erotic Blueprint languages is also your opporutunity to experience orgasms you didn’t even know existed:

Energetic orgasms, full-bodied orgasms, anal orgasms, cry-gasms, cervical orgasms, sub-space orgasms, ejaculatory and non-ejaculatory orgasms.

It’s a world of endless possibilities.

Good Luck on Your Journey into Total Pleasure!


“Our compatibility has gone through the roof…how to be pleased. How to ask to be sexually pleased. How to please you (your partner) sexually. How to experience not only the orgasms we were already having and the ecstatic pleasure that we were already living, but now to have it magnify and multiply and go to whole new levels. It feels like we’re starting our relationship again!“

Satyen and Suzanne Raja

Embrace what has been buried and shamed in your body for thousands of years.

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