Have you ever been so stuck in your head that, when you try to have sex with a lover, you can’t focus on what’s happening in the moment and you lose all arousal?
When sex is just about to begin is often when my mind starts going crazy.
It’s like a monkey jumping around saying, “Look at me, over here! What do you think you’re doing? You’ve got stuff to take care of! I think you might smell. Oh, that touch will never do! No no, this isn’t working! It’s too bright, it’s taking too long. He doesn’t smell good.”
Have you ever had this experience?
It’s called “Monkey Mind”.
Monkey Mind is that internal voice that rips you away from the moment: your lover’s touch, the presence you’re bestowing on your partner and the pleasure in your body.
Monkey Mind starts solving some unimportant problem or thinking of some past or future event.
Lots of tools can help calm the monkey.
You can try breathing techniques, you can use a variety of body sensations (like slapping, nibbling or tickling), you can try making sounds. But one of the most powerful methods to calm the monkey is through the use of…
Erotic Story Telling!
Sexy story telling works, especially for the female brain.
In my sex research, I’ve learned that women’s brains are different than men’s.
Women can get really turned on through their ears; which leads to their brain, which leads to turn on down under.
I was recently working with a student enrolled in my Ultimate Lover training. He’d had a major breakthrough with his girlfriend when he told her an erotic story.
He virtually controlled her orgasm.
He used lots of details to engage her senses. In the story he told, he described what the characters looked like, how they behaved, what they smelled like and how they touched her.
He put her into the story, which activated her mind.
Do you know the power of your mind?
Try this exercise:
Close your eyes. Imagine you’re standing in your kitchen.
On the counter is a ripe, juicy lemon.
You take a knife and slice into the lemon, cutting it in half, then in fourths. You pick up a slice, smell it, touch its succulent juiciness to your lips.
You sink your teeth into its tart pillows, the juice spilling into your mouth. Lips pursing as the sourness overwhelms your taste buds.
As you imagine this experience, notice what happens in your mouth.
Do you notice saliva filling your mouth? Do you notice your mouth contracting with the imagined sour flavor?
The astounding power of the subconscious mind is that it doesn’t know the difference between the experience of the imagination and what’s really happening.
Erotic story telling not only helps the mind to focus on the sensual realm, it can also affect the physical body, which you may have experienced when you imagined smelling and tasting the lemon.
This is a perfect example of the mind not knowing the difference between the real and the imagined.
You can use this during sex. In my student’s case, he was able to get his partner so aroused with words that, on his command to have an orgasm, she came.
Now that he has this new found awareness that sexy talk is a turn on for her, he can use this to help her get into her body and experience even more pleasure.
Since I’m a sex educator who has to practice what she preaches I had to try it for myself.
One night my monkey mind was in full force, so I asked my partner to tell me an erotic story to see if it would work.
I closed my eyes as my partner started to lightly stroke my body. He put his lips close to my ear and started setting the scene.
I was in a room with only a table. My partner placed himself in the corner, as a voyeur watching the scene unfold. He described every detail and even how I was reacting to each new element of the story.
My body responded exactly as he described it.
He hadn’t even touched my genitals at all and I was wetter than I had been in a very long time.
The best part was that my mind was completely focused on the story and visualizing everything he described. This led to one of the most sensual and erotic experiences we have ever had together.
You might guess that I highly recommend trying it yourself. It may feel a bit weird at first, but once you get the hang of it, it can be deliciously rewarding.
If you’re the one telling the story, make sure to be very specific with your descriptions.
Describe the setting, the colors, the smells, the feelings, the sounds in the room. Describe what’s happening in your lover’s body. “You feel his hands on your breasts and your body shivers. You take a deep relaxing breath, as you feel his body close to you.”
To get great inspiration it can help to read some quality erotica.
If you are receiving the story, it helps to close your eyes and let your mind go to the places where your partner is taking you. Give your lover some help by sharing your fantasies.
Perhaps you want a little bondage, or maybe multiple sexual partners. Perhaps you want to play with a new vibrator, or what about getting an erotic massage in a foreign land.
Remember that you can go anywhere in your head and there is no shame in playing in your mind. And fantasy sex is the safest sex you can have.
When you get really good at this, you and your partner can take turns driving the story forward.
The biggest tip I can give you is to have fun, be open, and let yourself really get into it.
Erotic storytelling is a powerful aphrodisiac!
It gets you into a sensual head space and can take your body into exquisite pleasure.
Try it, you might just discover (like I did) that you love it!