Ask for What You Want, GET What You Want: A tool to help you take the unease out of communication

by Pleasure Team

You get to have what you want. For most of us, we don’t dare to dream big when it comes to our desires because we don’t think that we can have it. However, while choosing silence is an option, choosing it tends to foster more disconnection between humans rather than the connection we so deeply desire.

When it comes to sex and intimacy, so many of us have been fed a script of what that should look like and how that specific script is meant to feel, namely that the same exact formula is applied widely across the board. The truth is that the possibilities for pleasure are endless and there are as many pathways for pleasure as there are people in the world.

When you start getting an idea of your Erotic Blueprint™ Type and exploring your pleasure using that framework, the question that tends to arise is: how do I communicate this to my partner? Particularly if you have a history where criticism and defensiveness have entered the equation when asking for what you want, coupled with the tender nature of discussions regarding sex, initiating these conversations can be scary. Additionally, how many of us have had the experience where you’re talking to someone and you notice their focus isn’t on what you’re saying, but rather on formulating their next response?

Be honest: how many of us have been that person?

We’re here to introduce you to a tool that works to take the unease out of asking for what you want, creates a solid container for each party to feel heard and understood, and ultimately fosters connection – the dyad!

A dyad is a formal communication tool, which we learnt from the Accelerated Evolution® Academy, the purpose of which is to speak and listen for understanding, not necessarily agreement. It’s not a conversation; rather, it’s an amazing tool for communicating about the hard things in a container specifically set up for safety for both humans involved.

Here’s how it works:

There is a speaking and a listening partner. The listening partner issues an instruction that begins with the words “tell me”. Start off with something simple like “tell me something you love about us.” The speaking partner then feels into their response and communicates a single thought.

The listening partner has the option of four different responses:

Thank you: this response indicates that they understood.
Say it again: this means they didn’t hear you.
Clarify that: this indicates they didn’t understand.
Summarize that: this means that the speaker potentially followed a number of different tangents and the listener didn’t fully understand the single point the speaker was trying to make.

At this point, you can switch who is speaking and who is listening, taking turns for a specific amount of time. If you’re completely new to dyads, you might consider setting a timer for 20 minutes.

To be clear, these are the only responses to be used in this container. This is what provides safety in this container; since these are the only responses that can be used, each participant can be assured that they won’t be criticized or shamed for whatever is arising for them. These scripts take the judgment out of responding, allowing for both partners to simply be in understanding.

When the intention is to speak desires in the space, prompts such as “tell me something you’re excited about exploring” or “tell me a Blueprint you want to expand into” can bring up wants and needs you didn’t even know were there. This is the perfect time for you to practice empathy not just with your partner but with yourself. You have the opportunity to just be with what’s true for you and what’s true for your partner.

There’s no need to fix, change, or improve anything once the desires have been spoken. In fact, it may serve for both parties to take some space to regroup and determine what they’re available for in the relationship.

Then you have this amazing tool to come back to when it’s time to open up communication about that!

Free Masterclass

Ready to delve even more deeply into understanding your desires and gain the tools you need to actually get it? Join the Erotic Blueprint Breakthrough™ Course today! With over 70 video trainings and Pleasure Mastery calls twice per month where you can receive live support from one (or more) of our highly-trained Certified Erotic Blueprint coaches, this is the most comprehensive, pleasure-based sex education you’ve always wanted.

Your one-time enrollment fee also grants you premium access to the Erotic Freedom Club, our sex-positive online community filled with pleasure seekers such as yourself who are doing the work right alongside you. This is a safe place to share ideas, ask questions, and receive support as you apply your learnings to your life.

If you’re noticing that you still have some questions about whether or not this course is the next right move for you, book a call with one of our Passion Liasons today! We’re here to support you in making whatever decision is most aligned for you and of course answer whatever burning questions you have about the course and our community.

However, if everything inside of you is communicating a big YES right about now, click here to register for the Erotic Blueprint Breakthrough™ Course today!

There are 5 Erotic Blueprint Types™

Which One Are You?

“Our compatibility has gone through the roof…how to be pleased. How to ask to be sexually pleased. How to please you (your partner) sexually. How to experience not only the orgasms we were already having and the ecstatic pleasure that we were already living, but now to have it magnify and multiply and go to whole new levels. It feels like we’re starting our relationship again!“

Satyen and Suzanne Raja

Embrace what has been buried and shamed in your body for thousands of years.

As Seen On

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