What? You didn’t know it was International Fetish Day?
Or perhaps you don’t want to admit that you did, because you don’t want anyone to know you’ve got one (or two, or a half dozen
“I went and hung out at a foot fetish party, and I knew that was a very popular fetish to have, but I didn’t realize how amazing it would be to have it.”
~Nikki Glaser – Comedian
First off, what is a fetish?
A fetish is an expression of sexual freedom to get off on what you want to get off on.
One of our core brand values is Freedom of Expression (in its many forms). There are a couple of guidelines that apply when indulging in freedom of expression (erotic or otherwise) that can help to keep everyone feeling safer, seen and connected.
These guidelines are:
- When you play in any realm of sexuality, you’re playing with fully consenting, conscientious, informed and aware adult partners. If you’ve got this part down, we think playing in the taboo can be rather thrilling.
- If you are satisfied with your sex life, being guided by your fetishes is not causing distress and your partnership(s) are not suffering from your play with them, you’re in the happy place.
The importance of consent and honoring boundaries can never be stressed enough.
Now let’s celebrate your fetishes, if you’ve got them.
What IS a fetish by definition, though?
One definition is a sexual fixation on a nonliving object or nongenital body part.
Another fun definition is: an inanimate object worshiped for its supposed magical powers or because it is considered to be inhabited by a spirit.
I love the “inhabited by a spirit” part. That adds a level of depth to a fetish, doesn’t it?
We can fetishize anything.
Sometimes it’s feet. Sometimes it’s fragrance. Nature. Furniture. Desert food.
The list is endless.
Thanks to “Fifty Shades of Grey”, whatever the fetish, they have become a little less taboo to talk about. Though owning who you are in the bedroom isn’t always a welcome dinner table topic…that doesn’t mean that you can’t or shouldn’t express your eroticism.
Nor that you should feel shame in expressing them.
Freedom of Erotic Expression can ignite confidence, creativity and courage in your life.
When you are free to express who you are…
You feel less constrained by the opinions of others…
Asking for what you want becomes a habit (how would that feel, to ask for what you want and get it?).
Feeling AT HOME in your skin becomes your norm.
Your charismatic magnetism attracts others, because you’ve got that special something radiating from your core…
You’ve got a secret little wink, because you’re living your truth.
And this personal empowerment, this acceptance of who you are and what you desire can spread into all areas of your life.
From your career or business to your partnerships and relationships and beyond.
Studies reveal that conscientious kinksters often rate higher than others in their emotional IQ, their ability to have clear communication about desires and boundaries and they often have deeper authenticity in their relationships.
These skills come from navigating their own relationship to their desires and finding ways to express them in a healthy manner.
These skills also come from a willingness to be seen for who they are and have frank conversations with others about desires, consent and boundaries.
In short: It can be a GREAT thing to allow yourself to conscientiously experience and express your fetish(es).
Play consensually, play safe and love your exploration and growth. It’s not an easy path to come into your erotic truth.
But the journey can be very rewarding!
But what if you find yourself in a sexual or emotional rut because of your fetish?
For some folks, a fetish becomes a groove, becomes a rut and could become a grave for their sexuality, because it may become the ONLY way they can access their turn on.
If that’s the case for you, one possible way to get out of the rut is by rewiring your nervous system to find arousal through other means.
One way you can rewire your nervous system is to:
- Figure out something other than your fetish that you’d like to be turned on by (even if you are so NOT turned on by that thing now)
- Begin a pleasure session
- Use your fetish, as you normally would, to generate arousal in your body
- Then, for 10 to 30 seconds, put your focus on the thing you want to train yourself to be turned on by. Blend the arousal from your fetish with this new object of desire for as long as you can sustain it, then…
- Put your attention back on your true turn on, allowing yourself to build arousal again
- Put focus again to your desired turn on for a short moment. See how much turn on you can keep burning while you have your focus on this alternate turn on
- Toggle back and forth between the two, keeping arousal high by utilizing your turn on whenever arousal wains
- Keep extending the amount of time you are staying focused and aroused by your new focus
What turns you on, is what turns YOU on! Own It!
There is nothing wrong with you, you are not broken or wrong for your turn on.
Acting on your turn on with consenting, informed and aware adult play partners can be one of the most fulfilling experiences.
Acceptance of where you are and what turns you on is a powerful tool. Loving yourself, being accepting and compassionate with everything that you are is a gateway to freedom, a gateway to feeling all the pleasure that is available for you to feel.
So! Happy International Fetish Day!
Go and get your fetish on!
Until next time…
Fill your heart with love and your life with pleasure,
Ian, Jaiya and The Pleasure Crew