The Underdog: my journey to erotic ecstasy

by Ayce Kyptyn

When I was a kid, I was pulled into the principal’s office on a few different occasions. One of the more significant encounters happened when I was in 4th grade. A group of popular boys decided to team up on someone with Down’s Syndrome. I walked up to the ringleader and clotheslined him, and he fell straight to the ground, the wind knocked out of him. I walked away.

At that moment, I stood up for the underdog. It wasn’t about being right or wrong. It was about being human – taking in all the information around me and standing up for someone whose story was being invalidated.

Injustice exposes the most basic of human rights: the right to exist here and now as we are.

My Story

As a kid, the world I knew, never knew me. It didn’t want to.

The moment I came into this world I was declared a girl and with this declaration, my life was thrown into motion.

I wasn’t asked.

It was assumed according to my genitals.

By the age of 4, it was clear that I was not fitting into the heteronormative societal structure. When given the chance, I’ve always naturally gravitated toward the masculine.

The world never asked me who I was.
I am not a girl.
I am a nonbinary, masculine human being.

The world I knew didn’t see me.
A human with value and worth.
The world I knew didn’t hear me.
A being with feelings and emotions.
The world I knew didn’t know me.
Nothing more, nothing less than human.
The world I knew didn’t love me.
A soul that belongs here.

As human beings who long to be seen, heard, known, and loved, can you imagine how difficult this tension can be? To know that the designation given to you at birth doesn’t align with who you are internally?

It took over 30 years of pain for me to land in a therapist’s office, completely burned out from living life according to societal standards, and on the brink of suicide.

My therapist’s eyes lovingly locked into mine as she stated, “You’re not straight.”

Wait, what? I’ve been living 38 years – how are you the first person to verbalize this?

Of my family, friends, and coworkers, not one person in my life saw me as who I was up until this point. They didn’t ask.

It was obvious, and it was terrifying.

The world told me who I was and how I should live.
It’s been unsafe for the authentic me to exist.

The Collective Human Experience

“We live in a society that believes that it is more important to be right than to appeal to the humanity of people that we disagree with.”
– Hannah Gadsby

Did you catch that?
We live in a world where it’s more important to be right than it is to be human.

What if?
The world saw everybody.
What if?
The world heard everyone’s story.
What if?
The world knew we all belonged, as is.
What if?
The world loved humans simply for being.

I yearn for a world that stops fighting to be right.
We all have the right to exist, here and now, as we are.
To be seen, heard, known and loved for who we are.
To live in our authenticity.

When the Underdog Wins

“Our worth and our belonging are not to be negotiated with other people… Because then I may fit in for you, but I no longer belong to myself.”
– Brené Brown

At a pivotal moment in my journey I became so lost that I was found.

I had been wounded to the core: rejected, abandoned, and deeply betrayed.

At a complete loss of who I was, I reached out to one of the coaches in the Erotic Blueprint™ network, Connie Eberhart. In our work together, Connie has met me exactly where I am. Tenderly holding space for me to process my emotions and creating safety for me to genuinely explore who I am.

In this space, I’ve been able to find internal safety and a deeper love for who I am. Living free of sexual shame, repression, and pain and living into my erotic ecstasy, fully sexually alive. Because I am worth it.

And this is why the Erotic Blueprints® exist: to help every one of us find, express, and love ourselves, as we are – all of us, welcomed here.

It’s our collective human right to be here and to fill our lives with pleasure.

Ayce Kyptyn is the founder of Volitionary Life and is living their best life in West Michigan. Born and raised in a small, conservative, Christian home, Ayce spent time as a missionary before becoming a national executive leader and eventually a sex and intimacy coach.

Ayce was assigned female at birth and embarked on a deep personal journey to embracing their masculine; they identify as nonbinary.

Professionals who have dramatically impacted their journey: Jaiya, Connie Eberhart, Genevieve, GG and Ephraim, Orpheus Black, Caffyn Jesse, Kimberly Anne Johnson, Ellen Heed, and Darshana!

Jeep is Life!


“Our compatibility has gone through the roof…how to be pleased. How to ask to be sexually pleased. How to please you (your partner) sexually. How to experience not only the orgasms we were already having and the ecstatic pleasure that we were already living, but now to have it magnify and multiply and go to whole new levels. It feels like we’re starting our relationship again!“

Satyen and Suzanne Raja

Embrace what has been buried and shamed in your body for thousands of years.

As Seen On

Related Posts