Five Secrets to Becoming the Ultimate Lover

by Pleasure Team

Pleasure starts with you. It starts with understanding yourself so deeply that you can communicate your desires with a partner. Many of you have taken the Erotic Blueprint™ Quiz and have an understanding of your Blueprint Type™, but this is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to becoming the ultimate lover.

Whether you are:

  • Concerned about sexual incompatibility with your partner(s)
  • Single and looking to embark on your own personal journey
  • Feeling sexually unfulfilled in your relationship(s)
  • Experiencing a loss of spark in your partnership(s)
  • Desiring to feel more pleasure in all aspects of your life

… you’ll want to know the following five secrets to becoming a masterful lover.

Secret #1 – Permission. The act of erotic engagement is an act of permission – giving yourself permission to indulge, play and explore. We’re big believers here that pleasure starts with you. It starts with understanding what your “no” is so that you can be fully in your “yes”.

Becoming an amazing lover begins with you becoming your own best lover, learning to feed yourself in your Blueprint, before you even begin to think about engaging with a partner(s). When you allow yourself to be all that you are, you extend that permission to your lover to express, be vulnerable and show you their pleasure. This permission piece is about giving yourself the freedom to claim all of the pleasure that’s available to you and live your pleasure.

Secret #2 – Touch Skill. Most of us want an easy solution – the one-size-fits all approach to sex to make you, and your partner, absolutely scream with pleasure. However, the right technique on the wrong Blueprint Type™ can end arousal faster than you can say “orgasm!”

The truth is that if it were easy, everyone would just be living lives overflowing with pleasure and having all of the mind-blowing sex that they could ever imagine. Gaining the touch skills to please every Blueprint, starting with yours, is vital to creating the pleasurable, connective experience you desire with a lover(s).

The best way to begin gaining this touch skill is to touch your own body. Feel free to play in all the Blueprints!

Energetic Blueprint™ – Touch that’s off the body or a light, tickly touch
Sensual Blueprint™ – Massaging, contouring touch
Sexual Blueprint™ – Touch directly on the genitals, nipples, lips or other arousal points on the body
Kinky Blueprint™ – Scratching as well as taps or slaps on the body
Shapeshifter Blueprint™ – Mix up all of the different types of touch. Play with the order of touch and/or incorporate more than one type of touch at the same time!

Secret #3 – Presence. This is arguably the most important of the five secrets. This applies to presence with you, your desires and your body as well as that of your partner’s. A simple way of beginning to cultivate presence is through the practice of PQ reps; this is a skill from Shirzad Chamine’s book Positive Intelligence. This is simply the practice of focusing on one of your five senses for only 10 seconds. This could be as simple as taking time to enjoy the beauty of a flower, to smell the scent of your morning coffee, to taste the richness of your food, to feel your clothing on your skin or to hear the wind in the trees. The important part is to notice what happens in your body with that level of presence.

Once you get comfortable with this, you might consider playing a little embodiment game with yourself so that you learn to feel your “yes” and your “no” in your body. Play with a couple of statements that you already know the answer to. If you already know that you are an absolute “yes” to hugs from the people you love, feel that “yes” fully; what do you notice about how that “yes” shows up in your body? Where in your body do you feel it? What are the sensations? Do you notice tingles, pulses, warmth? What color is it? What shape?

If you already know that you are a “no” to some random stranger off the street cutting your hair in whatever way they see fit, how does that “no” show up for you? Note any body sensations, such as constriction and expansion and temperature changes you may feel.

Secret #4 – Communication. Communication is extremely vulnerable. If you’re not equipped with skills that take the trigger out of communication, it can be easy to get caught up in loops. Communication is essential for cultivating a safe container for erotic engagement.

This is the place where consent is discussed at length so that all parties feel safe. You might think that you don’t have any boundaries with your partner, but ask yourself if you are available to be touched in some of the less-commonly-talked about spaces:

Ear holes?
Between your toes?
Inside your mouth?
Behind your knee?

Find your “no” so that you can be that much more fully in your “yes”!

Secret #5 – Erotic Intelligence. This is where the last four secrets become integrated. Erotic intelligence is the full spectrum of knowledge – somatic skills, empathetic communication skills (that bring presence to the conversation), understanding when you’re triggered so you can avoid going more deeply into that trigger and the ability to de-escalate situations.

Consider this your invitation to go just a little bit deeper because you don’t know what you don’t know until you know it. There are infinite techniques, games to play, layers of healing, opportunities for creativity and endless exploration of the possibilities for you.

How do you get that erotic intelligence?

1. Seek out mentors, guides, and professionals who have been down the road before you. Choose people who have been able to break through these challenges and find this freedom for themselves and have experienced the success in their relationships and communication that you desire to experience.

2. Take the Erotic Blueprint Quiz. Knowing your Blueprints and seeing how they play inside of you gives you a higher level of access to your pleasure and greater understanding of how to please your partner. If you haven’t taken this quiz yet, this is an amazing starting point to understanding yourself as an erotic being.

Free Masterclass

3. Join us in the Erotic Blueprint Breakthrough™ Course. This eight-module course addresses all of the five secrets outlined above with even more practical application to help you embody and live this knowledge.

You’ll learn:

  • Communication tools and strategies that take the anxiety out of being fully seen, heard, and understood
  • Touch skills for each Blueprint Type
  • Everything you need to be fully sexually expressed in your life!

When you join the course, you also get access to Erotic Freedom Club, our sex-positive online community, where you’ll get to ask questions and have the option to participate in monthly calls for additional support.

Join the Erotic Blueprint Breakthrough Course and gain all that you need to become a masterful lover now!

“Our compatibility has gone through the roof…how to be pleased. How to ask to be sexually pleased. How to please you (your partner) sexually. How to experience not only the orgasms we were already having and the ecstatic pleasure that we were already living, but now to have it magnify and multiply and go to whole new levels. It feels like we’re starting our relationship again!“

Satyen and Suzanne Raja

Embrace what has been buried and shamed in your body for thousands of years.

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