While Cleopatra may have enjoyed “gourds filled with bees” and the Ancient Greeks may have thought of masturbation as a “natural remedy to frustration when women weren’t around”, the Babylonians and the Zoroastrians saw self-pleasure as “potential destruction of life” and deemed it deserving of death.
Thus the debate around the topic has been around… seemingly… forever.
Later in our history as a human race, many institutions would deem the acts of giving yourself pleasure something to be ashamed of and caused generations worth of trauma around this natural human/animal behavior.
But…
The truth is it’s time to end those archaic ways of thinking, resolve the damage they have done, and own our sexual sovereignty.
It’s Your Body.
And it’s time to get to know it.
No more shame. No more guilt. No more fear.
Give yourself permission to get to know what turns you on because pleasure is your birthright and when you understand that, you can better satisfy your own physical and emotional needs.
Develop Your Sexual Superpowers Through Self-Pleasure
When you understand yourself and what gives you pleasure you supercharge your sex life and begin developing your sexual superpowers.
You learn what to ask for in ways that get you what you want.
You attune your abilities to listen to the pleasures others feel and you can respond to what your lover(s) want…almost as if you’re reading their mind.
But more importantly, you will be sending signals that you are important! You value yourself enough to give pleasure to yourself.
And that?
Changes everything.
How to Develop Your Own Self-Pleasure Practice
Getting intimate with your body goes beyond just self-pleasure.
When you explore all the ways you experience pleasure in your body, you can tap into an orgasmic experience that ripples out into all areas of your life.
So, take some time to tune in and turn on:
1. Block off uninterrupted time.
Making time for you deepens your bond with self. It shows you you are important. And that you are willing to commit to you. To FEED you, your needs, and your soul. We suggest making this practice easy and winnable. Don’t go from zero time for self pleasure to trying to give yourself an hour every day.
If you’ve only got 10 minutes 3 times this week, that’s perfect. You’re more likely to make a practice of something if you start with easy wins and you experience success rather than feeling disappointment that you didn’t do what you said and giving up because you “Failed.”
2. Let your body relax and surrender and begin to explore with breath.
Sit or lay down in a comfortable position (this is about pleasure after all) and practice breathing deeply and slowly. Breathe in through your nose on a count of 5 or more. Let your breath spill out slowly and gently. Repeat this pattern. Let your belly soften.
As you breathe in, let your belly fill first. In fact, imagine your breath is filling your pelvic bowl and your genitals, activating them. Let the breath fill your torso like you’re pouring water into a cup. Filling your lower ribs next, then your chest and breasts, then your neck and all the way up to the crown of your head.
Feel how each part of you responds to the attention of your breath. Do you feel any warmth arise? Or do you feel the same, as if you hadn’t changed your breathing at all? Find the breath that feels juicy, comforting, down regulating.
3. Continue with this pattern of conscious breathing and bring your attention to smell.
Explore what scents can be felt in your body and where. How intense are they? If your Erotic Blueprint™ doesn’t have much Sensual in it, this may not be a turn on for you, that’s okay. However, this is about discovering and exploring. This is about expanding your awareness and getting present. If you are a Sensual, you may already know what scents arouse you. Use them during this exercise to enhance your pleasure and explore new ones, too.
4. Next, allow yourself to discover sounds.
Whether you are heavy in the Sexual Blueprint or not, you may likely respond to noises of sexual pleasure and seduction. You could pop on some headphones and check out the world of Autonomous Sensory Meridian Response (ASMR) – here’s an intro video.
What about certain types of music? How does your body respond to them? What gets your juices flowing best?
5. Finally, tap into touch.
And FINALLY! This has been a long, delicious road of exploration. Look how much you learned! Now it’s time to focus on the FLESH. Don’t rush straight to your erogenous zones. Play with all the areas of your body you may not consider to be your sexy bits.
The contours of your face. Trace your shoulders and neck with your fingers. Feel your waist and your thighs. Your calves, your knees, the folds of your glutes. GO SLOWLY. Try deep touch, light touch.
During all of this, pay attention to what you feel moving inside of you. You may get deep pleasure out of way more than just sexual touch. Bring your presence to every bit of your touch. Take an inventory of everything that turns you on and what turns you off.
Knowing all of these things about what brings you pleasure helps you elevate your sexual experiences. But these new awarenesses can also allow orgasmic experiences to fill every day, simple moments that are not “sexual” at all.
This self-pleasure empowerment brings you a higher quality of life.
Let’s end the shame that comes with self-pleasure!
Every cell of your body is wired for pleasure.
Tap in, Tune in and TURN ON!
Until next time…
Fill your heart with love and your life with pleasure,
Ian
