Be good, Santa is coming.
Be good so you get the bike and the dollhouse and the telescope you asked for.
Be good because, if you’re not, Santa (we) won’t love you and give you the things you want.
If you didn’t have Santa holding the hammer of judgment over you for the holidays, I’m guessing you had some version of this figure keeping accounts of your every action.
We are conditioned from the beginning that we have to “be good” or else.
And we carry that notion into our adult lives and often imbue it into the lives of the children we raise.
But the idea that we have to “be good” in order to be loved is especially prevalent during the holidays when the memories of family come flooding back.
Remember the years we asked for ponies? Did we get them? Did we feel like we had done something to not be loved? Probably just for a moment.
But it may have been a moment that stuck with us.
And that idea of “being good”, the shadow that it creates, also impacts how we celebrate the holidays.
We have to have the baseboards dusted, the top of the oven spotless, the inside of the fridge organized and ready to be seen.
The guest list has to be expertly planned so as not to leave anyone out or invite one who would quarrel with others, etc.
The pressure to perform when we entertain or simply the pressure to get all the gifts together for everyone can be stifling and can disempower us, leaving us too exhausted for rejuvenating intimate connection and juicy holiday sex.
Which…guess what…makes the sex – non-existent.
Who wants to play naked cops and robbers when you have a to-do list that is 3 miles longer than usual?
Who has time for a nice romantic dinner for two, that ends in sensual massages and whispers on the skin, when every night is booked solid until the beginning of the year?
It’s all a part of fulfilling the “good” role we were conditioned to fulfill during the holidays.
Let’s just say, for a minute, that you do those things because you LOVE them…that’s different. That’s not pressure from the ancestors to be someone that they wanted you to be.
If you’re not that person and you’re decorating the entire street because “it’s tradition” and you secretly hold a grudge for having to hang out with people you only see once a year, then you’re doing it for the sake of “being good” and living someone else’s idea of what your life should be.
And that “being good” shadow affects how or IF you perform in bed (or the kitchen table or wherever you like to unleash your soul).
Imagine, if you will, for a moment, that you are absolved from tradition, from entertaining, from gift-giving.
You no longer have the need to rush around, decorate, or spend money on people you would not normally spend money on.
How do you feel?
Relaxed? Relieved? Saddened? Ready to do ALL of the above because you’re no longer REQUIRED to?
That’s a hint that you may be doing a lot of the things you do for the wrong reasons.
You are now, absolved of the need to “be good” this holiday season!
In fact, we’d propose that you make the declaration to your family, friends, and ancestors that you’ve loved the times you’ve spent (or leave off the half-truths), but you are in the service of creating true fulfillment and joy this holiday season.
You and yours will now be partaking in your own “tradition” during this holiday season.
And it’s called TIME-GIVING.
No more pressure to cook the perfect meal or make the house look like no one lives there for the duration of the season.
The only pressure you have is to relax and JUST BE with those that you love the most.
Any idea what that might do for that repressed (or previously non-existent) holiday sex?
Well…anything you want it to!
Because when you loosen the constraints of this time of year, you unlock your potential to actually ENJOY the life (and the sex) that can come with these dark, cold nights that call for bodies being huddled together, maybe even under faux bear skins in your bare skin.
Time for naked cops and robbers anyone?
Time for spa nights and naughty play in the pool, while your neighbors gaze on in envy as they perform their “being good” approach to the holidays?
Time for those sensual massages by candlelight.
Because now you CAN!
Let go of the need to “BE GOOD” because it’s the holidays.
Your libido, your soul, and your partner (if applicable) will thank you for it.
If you have kids, you may instill in them values that are truly yours. Time with loved ones and TRULY BEING with them is the deepest gift we all share.
And your extended family? They’ll live. We promise!