I’m always getting lots of questions about anal sex.
This taboo topic is starting to come out of the dark (so to speak) and more and more partners are wanting to try it.
They are curious and often their adventurous nature kills the pleasure that could be obtained.
Well, being adventurous often leads people to start exploring without any education.
They want to try anal penetration and they go for it, without regard to understanding how these pleasure packed sphincters work and how they like to be pleased most.
There isn’t much research surrounding anal sex and the role that the anus plays in sexual pleasure. I suspect that there is erectile tissue in and around the anal sphincter. I’m relying here on my own, other somatic sex experts, and my students’ felt experience.
If you look at the anus in an aroused state it is usually puffed up, that tells me that more blood is entering the area upon arousal.
And did you know that the anus has the second highest concentration of nerve endings, second only to the clitoris in the vulva body? That’s a lot of pleasure packed nerves to stimulate.
It’s worth taking time to warm-up the area before diving in and I assure you that it will be a more pleasurable experience for all parties involved.
If you have already had a negative experience, then it is even more important that you really spend time discovering the pleasure to be mined in this region.
Here are some guidelines:
Lube is your friend.
The anus does produce a small amount of mucus that can help with lubrication, but it really isn’t enough if you’re planning on penetration. Personal lubricants just make it feel better. I recommend trying Coconut Oil, Aloe Cadabra, Intimate Organics or Uber Lube.
Use Anal Massage to Warm Up the Tissues.
The anal tissue is much like a balloon. If you poke your finger into a balloon it will pop. But if you sink your finger in slowly it will become pliant, relax and you can touch all the way to the other side of the balloon in most cases.
By learning Anal Massage you can learn how to entice the anal sphincters (yes, there are two – outer and inner) to open up, relax and receive even more pleasure. A huge benefit of well delivered anal massage is that is can be extremely down regulating to the nervous system and deeply relaxing.
I urge you to take your time!
Unless you’re an experienced anal aficionado, I recommend that you go slow!! I mean super slow when entering the world of anal play. Tears in the anal tissue can take a long time to heal.
As the receiver, I highly recommend that you start with anal self-pleasure practices to learn your own anatomy of anal arousal, how slowly or quickly your tissues open and what types of anal play your body truly loves.
As a giver, it is imperative that you respect the mood and timing of your lover’s anus. Become hyper aware of what the tissue is telling you. It will relax and open when it’s ready and when it feels warmed up and safe.
During your first forays into giving, I recommend simply touching and holding on areas of the anus with different levels of pressure. Get to know where the tissue is pliant and where it is holding or resistent. Holding a finger in one spot, you will begin to notice tension and relaxation.
You become an anus whisperer, coaxing the rosebud to open, soften and receive.
Having an agenda to get to penetration (or hard pounding, if that’s your fantasy) can be very detrimental to getting the ultimate outcomes you desire.
A bad anal sex experience can shut things down for good.
Anal exploration can be very vulnerable and can bring up unexpected emotions. Be ready to hold space for anything that arises.
Be ready to push pause and come back to exploration over time. Do not rush!!!
Patience and Presence are your ultimate best friends in this exploration.
Butt Plugs are a great warm up to hot action later.
If you are planning on an anal sex session with penetration later in the day it is nice to prepare your rosebud.
Start in the morning with a little self anal massage and when ready insert a well lubed finger into your anus.
Take some deep breaths and feel your finger inside.
Insert a small butt plug into your anus. Take some deep breath and notice the feeling.
Throughout the day insert ever larger butt plugs.
It can add some naughty fun and foreplay to go out on a date with your partner wearing a decorative butt plug (I have one made of glass that has a beautiful rose petal inside of it). It’s like jewelry for your anus!
After having a butt plug inside for awhile, your tissues will stretch and relax. It’s like stretching before you exercise, it helps warm your muscles up and prevents injuries.
Yes, anal play can be messy!
I always recommend using condoms and even gloves when playing anally.
The anus is obviously a place where you can encounter bacteria that may not be enjoyed by other parts of your body.
Don’t play with the anus and then go touching or penetrating other parts of the body without cleaning up first. Gloves and condoms can help make this process easy and much more safe.
Also, if you’re concerned about mess coming out during anal play (this can definitely happen), you can do your own home colon cleanse before engaging in anal play. There are lots of videos on YouTube on how to administer your own anal cleanse.
Shame can be a big issue for many in this area. So be kind and empathetic with each other when your issues come to the surface.
There’s so much to say about anal play, but most importantly make sure that you educate yourself about good anal sex. Most porn is not your friend in this regard.
Know that anal sex isn’t just about penetration, you can completely stay outside and still have exquisite pleasure. In fact, many people report that the external anal sphincter is where all their pleasure comes from and penetration is too overwhelming.
As always play and explore while taking lots of time (especially with Anal Play) and making discoveries along the way.
Fill your life with pleasure,