There have been so many influences that have had a profound impact on my career and me over the last three decades. If I were to say what influenced me the most it would be my clients. They are my best teachers. There have also been many mentors who have so graciously taken me under their wing. I can’t talk about what most influenced my career without mentioning Joseph Kramer, who is the creator of Sexological Bodywork.
You most likely are not going to dive into training to become a Somatic Sexologist, nor will you start a career in sexuality coaching, but you can easily read books that help you become more informed. So I’ve compiled a list for you.
The following are the top 10 most influential books on my career in sex.
1. The Erotic Mind: Unlocking the Inner Sources of Passion by Jack Morin
This book quite possibly was the most influential book in my career. Jack’s framework on Core Erotic Themes was the inspiration for the Erotic Blueprint Types™. If you want to understand your eroticism on a deeper level this book is a good place to begin.
2. Women’s Anatomy of Arousal: Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure by Sheri Winston
Sheri Winston’s book is a groundbreaking look at anatomy for anyone with a vulva. If you want to learn more about anatomy and pleasure related to the vulva this is a wonderful book for learning from a more embodied approach.
3. The Jewel In The Lotus: The Tantric Path To Higher Consciousness by Bodhi Avinasha
I came across this book over 25 years ago and it changed my life. The techniques in the book are easy to follow and will help you to gain a deeper understanding of Tantric Sexuality. If you are interested in sex and ways to use it for a greater consciousness then this book will help you get started.
4. Mating In Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence by Esther Perel
A brilliant masterpiece of a book! If you are wanting to keep your relationship fires stoked this book will help you to understand the journey of desire. Esther also talks about Erotic Blueprints – not to be confused with the Erotic Blueprint Types – and you will find her Blueprints help you understand how the way you were loved, shapes the way you make love.
5. Sex At Dawn: The Prehistoric Origins of Modern Sexuality by Christopher Ryan
Christopher Ryan dives deep into the anthropology of sex in his intelligent and profoundly interesting book on how sexuality has been shaped over time. A fun read that will definitely expand your mind.
6. The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel Von Der Kolk
This book is not for the faint of heart. If you have experienced developmental trauma or love someone who has, this book takes the approach that our bodies remember the trauma and respond from that place. I recommend reading in small bits and digesting easily. Work in conjunction with a trauma therapist and do light fun things to counter what may arise as you read this book.
7. The Deepest Acceptance: Radical Awakening In Ordinary Life by Jeff Foster
One of the more recent books that have greatly shaped my work, The Deepest Acceptance is a book that helps us to be with the things that arise as we journey through life. It is about not pushing anything away and essentially gaining freedom as we feel all the feels. Truly one of my most recommended books.
8. Desire: The Tantric Path To Awakening by Daniel Odier
I began my career learning about Tantra. I wanted a bridge between spirituality and sexuality and this book was one of the most adventurous and fun books in the world of Tantric Sex.
9. Mastering Alive Relationships: A Textbook For Transformation by Frank Natale
A very hard-to-find book, but worth the search! If you are looking to expand your relationship and to have a relationship built on honesty and truth then this book is a great place to begin. It’s a workbook and it will have you thinking deeply about your relationships both past and present.
10. The Ethical Slut: A Practical Guide to Polyamory, Open Relationships and Other Adventures by Dossie Easton
So many couples come to see me because they are interested in opening their relationships. This book is the bible for people who want to take the next step in opening up.
This is one book I come back to again and again. While not directly about sexuality or relationship it is a book about attachment, touch, and humanness.