You want a spicy romantic life. You want ongoing passion and connection in your relationship. You desire deep satisfaction in the bedroom, to know how to drive your partner crazy with lust and lead them to an ecstatic experience. And boy do you wish your partner knew exactly how to tease and please you. Right?
It is my personal mission to help you experience all of this and more! This week I will teach you one of the most powerful practices I use to cultivate and sustain an amazing love life.
Before I do however, I want to share a powerful truth with you. This truth may be the key to unlocking your potential in all areas of your life, not just your love life.
You don’t get what you want, you get what you’re committed to.
Are you committed to your own pleasure? Are you committed to knowing your lover so well you can turn them on as easily as you turn on a light switch? Are you committed to braving the challenges of true intimacy so your relationship gets hotter year after year?
If you are committed to creating this kind of sustainable heat in your relationship, keep reading or head over to YouTube to check out this week’s addition to our
52-Week You Tube Sex Life Makeover Challenge. In this email and on that video I dive into a practice called the Sex Life Challenge.
The Sex Life Challenge brought my relationship back from the brink of extinction, reviving all the juicy sexiness we had at the beginning and more.
One of the life experiences that almost derailed my love life with Ian happened in 2008/2009. You may remember vividly that those were the years that the U.S. economy crashed and Ian’s design business took a major hit and had us scrambling.
2009 was also the year our beautiful son was born. This was an incredible experience, however, it also left me with a pelvic floor trauma, where sex, even after recovery, was painful. Sex, as you may have guessed, is very important to me. I was devastated. We were overwhelmed, stressed out, and it felt like every part of our life was collapsing – especially our love life.
Honestly, I wasn’t sure I loved him anymore. We had lost all physical intimacy. Ian’s libido had crashed due to stress and lack of sleep. It felt like he no longer desired me. When we did connect, it was painful for me due to the physical trauma I had experienced. Yikes! We were both in so much pain and feeling so separate from each other.
What brought our relationship back from the dead was committing to Sex Life Challenges (you may choose to call them Practices).
We would make a commitment to intimate connection of some kind i.e., oral pleasure, teasing games, trading 40 days of dominance and submission where I dominated Ian for 40 days and then he dominated me for 40 (You can read about that experience in my book, Cuffed, Tied and Satisfied).
We set up these games as ways to explore and connect regularly and we committed to them.
These practices always have a duration during which we are committing to the game, for example 1 week, 30 days, 90 days, etc.
They have rules of the game – what it means to succeed and fail. For example, for our oral game, oral meant 5 minutes of the mouth on the other person’s body. That was a win. But once you spend the 5 minutes, it can become 10, 20, 30 or more of a deep dive into pleasure.
If we win at the game by sticking to the commitment and playing by the rules, we always celebrate the win with some kind of reward. But honestly, the challenge itself is the deepest reward. By taking on this kind of Sex Life Challenge, you are committing, no matter what interruptions may come up, to connect with your partner and explore pleasure together. This ongoing connection builds your bond through the release of the hormone Oxycontin. It creates crave and anticipation and sets up a way to learn each others pathway to pleasure.
One word of advice when you are just starting out, especially if you are not connecting much at all these days, set yourself up for easy wins. You want to reinforce success and fun with these challenges. Remember our rule for success in the oral challenge was 5 minutes of the mouth on the other person’s body. That was a win. You can keep on going after 5 minutes, and we almost always did, but we could high five after 5 minutes.
If you want to hear these guidelines explained, check out this week’s video on our 52-Week You Tube Sex Life Makeover Challenge.
If you are committed to it, you can achieve just about anything.