It’s the New Year: A time for starting over, a time for creating new goals and resolutions, and a time to make a commitment. A few months ago, I went to an event called the Next Level Experience, designed to help people take their lives beyond their wildest dreams. The creator, Raul Villacis, stood on stage and proclaimed, “You don’t get what you want, you get what you are committed to!” This has quickly become one of my favorite ideas. So what are you committed to creating for your love life in 2015?
What is your big vision?
I want you to see the difference between a big vision and just making another resolution. A big vision will take your relationship to the next level. A big vision is made up of lots of goals. A big vision is what you really want to create to inspire change in your sex life.
Here are some examples of big visions:
– To have a relationship filled with both deep connection and unbridled passion
– To get adventurous, push the edges of my sexuality and experience ecstasy
– To heal past traumas and move forward in a very healthy relationship and sexuality
– To overcome sexual shame and freely express myself as a sexual being
– To shift the cultural view of sexuality to something that is celebrated and cultivated
– To be a great example of a healthy relationship to my children and peers
Let’s take the first example: To Have a Relationship Filled with Both Deep Connection and Unbridled Passion.
That is a big vision, since most long-term relationships sadly find themselves in a passionless state. If you are committed to this vision, what are the goals/resolutions you will need to make in order to succeed?
Let me give you some ideas:
– Be open to learning more about sexuality and stay teachable: No matter how much you know, you will never know everything.
– Stop making excuses and take action: You will make mistakes, stop trying to be perfect and be open to being corrected. That is what a true expert/master does.
– Take a workshop on the topic. For example, I have a scholarship available to my Path to Passion event, which I offer multiple times a year.
– Read Books: Commit to reading 2-5 books on how to create more passion this year.
– Do a Sex Life Challenge. For 30 days, commit to practices that help build passion in your relationship.
– Incorporate new pleasure-enhancing toys into your bedroom repertoire.
– Do one Adventure Date per week.
– Ask yourself every day if your actions are moving you towards your big vision or away from your big vision.
I’ve given you some ideas, now it’s your turn!
Step One: Get out a notebook and a pen. Sit in a quiet place where you can think. Meditate on what you would like your sex life and relationship to look like this year.
Step Two: Write down your big vision for your sex life in 2015. Now look at what you wrote and write, on a scale of 1 to 10, how committed you are to that vision. If you wrote less than a 7, you most likely will not succeed in this vision. Go back and either examine why your commitment is so low or perhaps you need to change your vision to something you are more passionate about.
Step Three: Set your goals/resolutions. What are the things that you need to do, be or have in order for you to succeed in this vision? What goals can you set for the year? What is the budget you need? How much time do you need to schedule? You are moving from the big vision to all the steps needed to get there.
Step Four: Take Action! Visit the New World Sex Education site for more education, reach out to experts for help, order the books you want to read or the sex toys you want to try, schedule your dates, design your sex life challenge. Without action, you won’t get anywhere. Watch the excuses that come up and, instead of beating yourself up and getting discouraged, come back to the question: Is this moving me towards my big vision or away from it? And then course correct!
Let’s make 2015 the sexiest ever! Share with us your big vision for 2015 (it will help you with your commitment) in the comments below, and if this article has helped you, please pass it on – your friends will appreciate it!
Photo credit: Creativity+ Timothy K Hamilton