“I just don't know what to say. I ask her if it feels good and she always says “yes”, but I don't think it's always true. I think she's just trying to make ME feel good.” Kenneth said to me during our session.
There are lots of guys like Kenneth. You might be one of them. You might not even know you are one of them.
Most guys think that they are doing a great job in the bedroom, but what they don't know is that either 1) women lie to make you feel better or 2) women don't know how much pleasure is possible because they've never had it before. You can always get better.
The biggest mistake I think guys make is that you as a yes or no questions when it comes to pleasure. But female bodies are not yes or no pleasure palaces. It's a bit more complicated than that, and for the most part, we don't even know what brings us the most pleasure.
The next thing guys ask is “How does this feel?” Most women respond with “good”. But good isn't great and we aren't really going to tell you if it feels bad. Can you imagine getting the honest repines “Well, that doesn't really feed good, can you just stop that, you're not in the right place, it's not the right pressure….” For one, that's not really good feedback (women don't really know how to instruct in a positive way), and two it would make you feel awful and not want to have sex with us again.
So what do you say?
Don't worry. I've made a script for you. Here's how it goes…
(Imagine you are stroking her clitoris with your thumb and forefinger).
Would you like more pressure like this (give her more pressure, wait a few seconds) or less pressure like this (give her less pressure, wait a few seconds for her response)?
Do you like faster (go faster with your stroke) or slower (go slower)?
Is is more pleasurable higher (move your fingers higher) or lower (move lower)?
When you get the perfect combo for her, stay there for awhile and let her enjoy it.
Do you see the difference? When you give her choices she has to choose what feels best as opposed to saying “yes” or “good” just because it's the nice thing to do. Choices combined with the touch to match is even better because she may not know what feels most pleasurable.
She may answer that she likes both. Great! This means that you can do both.
You don't have to do this all the time and for every technique. Use this when you aren't sure, when you don't feel like you are getting things right, when you want to take her arousal higher. Then pay attention to how she responds with non-verbals- a breath, a gasp, a giggle, an arch of her back…
Now you are equipped with the words to bring our her highest pleasure, next step, make sure you've got the bedroom skills to match! Kenneth learned the touch techniques first, then he used this script to help him uncover his lovers' pleasure and increase his confidence.