Last week I was on the Joy Behar show for an 18 minute segment where I dispelled some sex myths, talked about the dangers of vaginal rejuvenation surgery and gave couples some communication tips for keeping it hot. The media has focused solely on a mini-orgasm that I briefly demonstrated for Joy. Even TMZ interviewed me wanting me to demonstrate my orgasm right there on TV. I'd rather educate others about what is possible than sit there demonstrating. It's not about me, it's about giving hope to other people that they are not broken or abnormal. There has been controversy and talk about whether or not I faked the orgasm that came just from me focusing my attention, contracting and relaxing my pelvic floor muscles, and using my breath. I can tell you honestly and authentically that I do not fake orgasms. I believe that faking just does us all a disservice. So now, that we have got all of that out of the way, let's get on to my true passion – educating you how you can become more orgasmic!
How Do YOU Expand YOUR Orgasms?
Step One: Expand Your Mind
First, you have to understand what is possible. There is so much about orgasm that you don't know that you don't know. Read that again. Seriously. If you have never had education about it, if you have never experienced, if you have never heard anyone talk about it. Then you may not even know what is possible or what it feels like when it happens. So much is possible, but you must open you mind to what is possible in order to open new orgasmic doors.
Here's a little video I did on what is possible for female orgasms:
Step 2- Use Your Tools
Some great tools for expanding your orgasmic abilities are Breath, Sound, Pelvic Floor Movement, Awareness, and Great Touch. When you use these tools you increase your pleasure. The pelvic floor movement is one tool you can work on building. Do you kegels (both men and women) daily to increase your likelihood of having an orgasm.
Try This: Take a deep breath in. Focus your awareness on your genitals as you begin to pulse your pelvic floor muscles. Focus on the sensations this creates. Make sound as you exhale. Again, take a deep breath in, pulse as you hold your breath. Let any little shivers or shakes happen as you exhale – this is the orgasm moving through you.
Step 3- Let Go
This may be the most difficult part. Many people are afraid to really allow the pleasure to wash over them and through them. Many people are afraid to move or shake during sex. Have you ever had after-shocks after having a great orgasm? The orgasm I demonstrate was like that, it's the after-shock part that is moving through me. Let go, let your body shake or twitch, let you spine wave, let your breath move. Let go of thoughts about right or wrong and just focus on the sensations of pleasure.
Not sure if you are having an orgasm? Not sure how to get there? Watch this for further guidance!
Step 4- Create a Practice
I'm a big proponent of having a sexual practice. Just like working out at the gym, or attending a class on something you want to master – orgasmic mastery happens when you practice, practice, practice. Even if you only spend 5-10 minutes per day, any attention to your sexual vitality counts. I recently made a Yoga For Sexual Health and Pleasure video to help singles and couples have a practice around their sexuality. CLICK HERE to Preview.
I hope that some of this helps you to realize that these skills are learn-able. I am not a special anomaly. I learned how to get myself to a wide variety of orgasms through studying and practicing!
Have you ever had a non-genital or nontraditional orgasm? Do you have a practice you would like to share?