3 Steps to Healthy and Fulfilling Sexual Satisfaction
Are you tasting every juicy morsel of your own delicious sexuality?
If not, why not?
Let’s face it, there are lots of reasons you may be cut off from living a sexually expressed and fulfilling life.
Expressing sexual desires and preferences can make you a target for judgment and persecution.
I’ve been shamed for sure…
Shamed for exploring my own body when I was young and innocently curious.
Shamed for not having the body “I should”.
Shamed for my “boy craziness”.
I’m exposed daily to messages that even consensual free sexual expression is bad, wrong and shameful.
And unfortunately, you are too!
What can we do to reclaim the pleasure that is our birthright?
3 steps you can take to claim your own Erotic Freedom!
I’ve been exploring my own sexuality for over 30 years and I keep finding new frontiers for expansion.
I come across new layers of my desires, fantasies, fear, and shame all the time.
This is not a journey with an end, rather it’s a divine opportunity to discover how to free myself from upper limits and open to as much pleasure as I can stand.
Consent is the foundation to all healthy sexual exploration.
As you explore and expand into a more fulfilling and expressed sexuality, make sure you have consent from yourself to do what you are doing and always make sure your partners in play have given their consent.
You may have sexual fantasies that are about crossing boundaries and non-consensual activities – there are ways to use consent and trick the mind that it is getting what it desires, without breaking the boundaries of another being. Breaking boundaries continues the cycle of abuse we’re committed to ending.
Here are those 3-steps:
Getting to know your sexual self can be very vulnerable work.
Get conscious of your desires and fantasies. Work to become even more present to what your body is telling you about your own turn-ons.
When I say, “Get Conscious,” I mean for you to practice paying attention to every aspect of your sexual life; mental/psychological, emotional, spiritual and physical.
Notice when a thought or a physical experiment has your body open or contract.
Whatever arises in your body or mind, don’t judge it. It’s all information.
Journal about what you discover and pay attention to patterns or recurring themes.
If you don’t measure it or track your experience, you won’t build a deeper understanding of who you are and what you truly desire.
As you explore you may experience some scary and dark places. That’s when you need to…
Empathize and be compassionate!
“Shame cannot survive being spoken…and being met with empathy.”
~ Brene Brown
In the process of uncovering your true sexual expression and stepping into deep pleasure, you are likely to come across:
- Shame about some of your thoughts and desires
- Trauma stored in the body
- Confusion, i.e., “Why am I turned on by that?”, “I’m not normal?”
- Shadows of your Erotic Blueprints™; aspects of your Blueprint Type where your turn on gets shut down
- Potential judgment from others
These elements can manifest in the form of powerful emotions: fear, anger, sadness, self-judgment, trembling in the body and contraction after you have expanded or tried something you are curious about.
This is where the practice of empathy can be your best friend!
Feel the body sensations that come along with your experience, lean into the emotions that come up and let go of judging yourself.
I’m here to tell you that you are normal, that the erotic mind has many expressions and you are not alone, no matter what you think or feel.
Track what you are experiencing, journal about it and get support!
Navigating these waters successfully on your own can be next to impossible.
Finding a sex-positive trauma therapist, highly conscious sexuality community and finding great mentorship is essential to creating a healthy and vibrant sexuality.
It’s also important to have empathy for others. If they can’t understand what you’re up to, or if your current partner is scared by your process, approach them with understanding, empathy, and compassion too.
And now you get to…
This is where things can get really fun.
Once you’re honest about your desires and you begin to shed light on the shadow aspects of your eroticism that have kept you from your deepest pleasure, you can build a bucket list of what you’d like to try.
In my Core Erotic Blueprint™ system, there are 5 Stages of Sexuality:
These stages help you to track where you are and what you need at any given time during your journey.
When you move into expansion, this is where your curious self can begin to study what’s possible – learn about different aspects of sexual expression and play.
It’s time to learn before you leap.
Read books, study videos, get skilled mentors to teach you what you need to know.
As you learn, you can then get adventurous and try out new things.
Play with feeding every aspect of the Erotic Bluerint™ Types: Energetic, Sensual, Sexual and Kinky with practices and techniques that turn each of them on.
If you don’t know about the Erotic Blueprint Types or which one is your primary Blueprint Type, take the Erotic Blueprint™ Quiz and find out. It’s a great place to begin your exploration.
It is very important to gauge your speed of expansion and make sure you are moving at a pace that feels comfortable and safe.
Know that with expansion comes contraction. You’re trying new things and your nervous system may be screaming, “this is not safe.”
Honor your process. Slow down, if your feeling scared or your resurfacing trauma.
You may need to step back from the adventure to rest and heal and make sure you’re honoring your own boundaries.
Exploring the wild and wonderful universe of sex is endlessly fascinating and deeply satisfying.
Use these tools to help yourself explore and expand safely and with grace!
Til next time, fill your life with pleasure,