I can’t tell you how many women tell me that when it comes to sex they feel like they are just nipples and vaginas. I can’t tell you how many men I work with who rush straight for getting naked, touching some nipples, and putting their penis in vaginas. While it’s not always that way, I feel that when most people think about sex, they think about genitals.
So, let’s back up a bit!
Think back to when you were first dating. Remember how exciting it was to just be close, even with your clothes on. Remember how exciting it was to feel his erection pressing against you, or to feel her wetness through her pants. That’s what I’m talking about, having sex with your clothes on, and using clothes as an erotic tool can be a highway to high, high arousal.
The Clothes On Arousal Highway
Start Your Engine- Touch each other all over your bodies through your clothes and relish the moments when skin touches skin. Notice the feeling of your clothes on your body or how your partner feels under their clothes.
It’s a Sunday Drive- As arousal begins most people race to the finish line, this isn’t NASCAR. Think of it as a Sunday drive through beautiful mountains, winding along hills with stunning views of water, mountains and sky. There’s nowhere to be. Touch each other slowly, deeply, lightly and with absolute presence to the beauty of the moment.
Under the Hood- Begin to subtly explore what your partner has under their clothes. Maybe your fingertips barely trace just below the belt line or sneak just under a sleeve. What if you lift their shirt a little and play with the exposed skin?
Coming Home- If you do decide to remove clothes use the clothes as an erotic tool. A tie can bind him to the bedpost, a soft sweater can lightly graze exposed skin, handles on glasses can trace a nipple. Anything can become a sensory play object! You can also take one piece of clothing half off. Leave pants around ankles, bra straps on wrists, shirts on one arm. You can stop all play there and leave your lover squirming for more, or you can make love from here.
Play with the obstacle of clothing, you may find that it brings spice back into a long-term intimate relationship or has your new lover in a puddle pondering how they got so lucky!